Scared.

I had a follow-up with my doctor today. I’ve been really anxious about it. I didn’t want to go on medicine. But I talked to him, and he was really set on it. He wants to try Synarel, the nasal spray version of Lupron, which he said is very well tolerated, and it’s better than the shot because you can stop it anytime. The medication should stop my period, my pain, and endo growth. But I’m still really scared of side effects, and if I don’t like it, I’m going to stop. I’m so anxious. I also found out I have Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, which is a really common thing in women with endometriosis. Eventually I’ll either wind up with hypo- or hyper-thyroidism, neither of which are good. And all of which can affect my health and fertility. I’m scared  to death. And in pain. And anxious. I should have just gone home but I’m here at work. I should eat lunch but I feel sick. I want to curl up into a ball under my desk and just go away.

I did have a good breakfast, though. Smoothie:

  • spinach
  • parsley
  • kale
  • banana
  • pineapple
  • mango
  • chia seeds
  • flax
  • coconut milk

2013-04-02 09.08.50 So good! I’m only going to be more dedicated to managing my nutrition, health, and weight now. I’m going to make sure that I get regular bloodwork all the time and that it’s always getting better.

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Lunch (and still no snow day)

It has stopped snowing for the moment, but promises to get more slushy and disgusting later. I’d really rather be home. Also, lots of pain makes it hard to work. I took a bit of a walk around my building but I really wasn’t feeling well, and that sucked. And I hate feeling how out of shape I am. I used to run up the 3 flights of stairs to the top, and back down and around (it’s a very fun and winding old building) View from my building:

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Snack this morning was strawberry kiwi fruit leather (i love my dehydrator!), lunch was leftover GF vegan mac & cheese and a salad with black beans, avocado, and chipotle ranch dressing. Chocolate coconut date balls for a snack. I packed a lot of food today in case I got hungry – as long as I’m eating clean, I don’t want to let myself be hungry/tempted to eat something I shouldn’t . I feel like I’m doing really well, and this diet switch has been much easier on me than I thought it would be. I haven’t weighed myself (I probably should, just for progress’ sake – or maybe just wait til the doctor next week and see if there’s a change?) but I do feel like I have lost some weight, and I’ve certainly gained some energy and am feeling better, even with the pain that never ends.

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I love cooking and making food from scratch, I love eating clean, healthy food, and most importantly, i love WANTING to eat that way. I love health foods and recipes and trying new food – if only I weren’t so broke, I have an entire amazon wish list of gluten free ingredients and new health foods to try! But, even being broke, I’m doing really well and I’m really happy – I can stick with this. It will always be harder with the boyfriend or eating out, but I think I’ll have a lot of support from him now because I’m doing this for my health.

Also, I finished The China Study – if you haven’t read it, please do! It’s such an important book, and I think everyone should be privy to every last bit of information in it.

Dinner – Vegan “Alfredo”

I LOVE this recipe for vegan alfredo sauce (and pretty much anything from Oh She Glows). I usually soak the cashews for a few minutes (at least 10 or so, while the water boils), skip the butter, go heavy on the seasoning/garlic/spices, and try to add some green. Today I added a blender full of spinach, and it was so good. I had a bowl with some quinoa/corn pasta, but I didn’t have much pasta… so then i just ate the sauce 🙂 I love that you can put spinach in pretty much anything. I think I’m going through about 3 big bags a week (and a couple handfuls go to my rat, Webbles, he loves his veggies, too). Nothing like comfort food that’s totally good for you.  Also, I was out of nutritional yeast for the longest time and i finally ordered some from Amazon, and I just wanted to make something with it. I think I’m going to go through it pretty quickly – I need to find a cheap source of it! It’s so hard to find in grocery stores, even the nicer ones  – Whole Foods is about the only place that has it and I never make it out there. Also had a coconut water popsicle after dinner.

2013-03-20 18.35.13 2013-03-20 20.06.30

I’m devouring The China Study – it’s so fascinating! I can’t believe the amount of links between animal protein and disease. And given that this information is out there, I can’t believe that veganism still seems “radical” to so many people! It seems like the only sane thing to do if you don’t want to die. This is not some “diet” book or fake study – this is one of the most monumental nutrition/health studies ever conducted by some of the most renowned scientists in the field – and it’s not new, either! Endo or no, permanent veganism seems more and more like the best option.

Speaking of endo, I have been having some pain off and on all day. I still can’t tell if it’s residual from the surgery (which was a month ago today) or if the surgery didn’t help. There’s so much pain that it gets hard to tell what’s what. I’m sure other endo girls know what I’m talking about.  I haven’t taken Vicodin in days and I don’t want to – I’m tired of being fuzzy and messed up and not myself. I’m a web developer, and my programming is suffering because of it – I need to be sharp and clear and not make stupid mistakes because pain meds have me in a fog. It’s not even right for me to be at work if I’m feeling like that.  I hope that I can just keep my head up and that changing my diet helps with the pain so I can feel like myself again!

The Beginning

It’s always a little exciting to start something new – a new blog, a new diet, and here I am with both! Read my About Me page if you’re wondering what this is all about. March is National Endometriosis Month, and I’ve already ready so many accounts of women who have had a lot of luck changing their diet to eliminate certain foods. Since the thought of being on heavy hormones is as terrifying as the thought of losing my fertility, I’d like to give it a try. However, I intend to ease into this gradually and not throw out all the food in my house. Here’s the eventual plan:

  • No gluten
  • No refined sugars
  • No alcohol
  • No animal products (meat/dairy)
  • No soy
  • No caffeine
  • No fried foods
  • No processed foods

That’s quite a list! So what do I plan to eat? PRODUCE! Dark green leafy vegetables, nuts, seeds, beans, whole grains, fruits – all sorts of things.  I have been vegan before, so I know that at home, this won’t be a problem. When it comes to eating out (which I don’t do terribly often anyway), I will work it out. I am excited to slowly start removing all of these things from my diet to see if it helps with the chronic pain I have been experiencing for so long. And I really want to EXERCISE! I miss it, and I have been in so much pain and so tired that I just can’t. I’m starting to go for more walks as the weather gets nicer, and I’m hoping that I am able to ramp that up. I am sitting here nearly doubled over in pain – and I’m so tired of taking painkillers. They give me the worst dreams and they take so long to kick in anyway.

I plan to update often, and document my progress towards this dietary goal, and post any great foods or recipes I come across that meet all of these guidelines!