Leftover butternut squash pasta for lunch, so good. And the kale chips I made last night? Life-changing. So, so good. I used this recipe and modified it a little bit:

  • added a squirt of lemon juice
  • added more water
  • skipped the chives and dill
  • used extra dried onions instead of fresh
  • used more nutritional yeast

They are SO good. Not exactly like cool ranch doritos – a little more onion-y, but amazing. I need to get some more kale today, because I ate half the batch just now. And hey, that’s half a bunch of kale! Can’t complain there ūüôā I could eat another pile of them right now. So good. Must keep these around always!
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I want one of these dehydrators –¬† I currently have this one –¬† which works great, but stuff gets stuck in the trays and it’s really annoying.


Got home tonight, I had taken my boyfriend’s car to work because he stayed home. I had some coconut bread for a snack and then immediately crashed out on the couch and took something because i was in tons of pain. He hadn’t answered a text, so I figured I was sleeping and I’d bring his car back later. Then he gets pissed about that.
I go back to sleep, get up, make an awesome dinner, and then he gets pissed at me for tweeting a picture of awful traffic. Seriously? I wasn’t even moving. He uses his phone in the car all the time. I have never been in an accident, gotten a ticket, etc. Ever. So I got pissed, drove his car back, tossed the keys inside the door and walked home. And now he’s more pissed. I told him I had a horrible day and needed love and support from him, not being treated like a child. Now I feel like I can’t talk to him about any of this and how scared I am, and I’m so upset and I can’t stop crying.

Dinner – Butternut squash mac & “cheese.” This is a great recipe, hadn’t made it before. Used this brown rice pasta, and it was so good, you’d never know it was rice pasta.

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I also put some kale and zucchini in the dehydrator – used this recipe. can’t wait to see how they turn out!

I also washed a bunch of the greens I got yesterday, and tossed some in the freezer.

Now I just need to relax and get some sleep.

Lunch and an unexpected cheering up

I finally decided to eat my salad, and then got interrupted by an inpromptu meeting which went well (showing my team what I’ve been working on). And then on the way back to the office, I talked with my boss, who asked me how I’ve been feeling – we’ve been getting close lately after I broke down in a performance review. His wife dealt with endo and infertility and they lost their first child last year. She’s pregnant again (and always in my thoughts) so he understands my stress over all of this, and I feel like I can talk to him about it, so I told him about my appointment today and it wound up making me feel a little better.

Feeling a little drowsy but I’ve gotten the pain manageable, for now. Have to drive home, so I have to be careful. Tonight I want to spend some time in the kitchen, take care of my rat, and relax on the couch. Maybe do my nails or something else for *me.*

Lunch was a salad of really wonderful fresh romaine, tofu (yes, I know, soy is not on the list, but for some reason I spaced out when I bought it – and it’s really wonderful fresh tofu), and vegetarian caesar dressing. (When I’m out of that I’ll have to make a good vegan one). ¬†Having some cookie dough oat balls and chocolate coconut date balls for dessert – who needs cookies??

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I had a follow-up with my doctor today. I’ve been really anxious about it. I didn’t want to go on medicine. But I talked to him, and he was really set on it. He wants to try Synarel, the nasal spray version of Lupron, which he said is very well tolerated, and it’s better than the shot because you can stop it anytime. The medication should stop my period, my pain, and endo growth. But I’m still really scared of side effects, and if I don’t like it, I’m going to stop. I’m so anxious. I also found out I have Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, which is a really common thing in women with endometriosis. Eventually I’ll either wind up with hypo- or hyper-thyroidism, neither of which are good. And all of which can affect my health and fertility. I’m scared ¬†to death. And in pain. And anxious. I should have just gone home but I’m here at work. I should eat lunch but I feel sick. I want to curl up into a ball under my desk and just go away.

I did have a good breakfast, though. Smoothie:

  • spinach
  • parsley
  • kale
  • banana
  • pineapple
  • mango
  • chia seeds
  • flax
  • coconut milk

2013-04-02 09.08.50¬†So good! I’m only going to be more dedicated to managing my nutrition, health, and weight now. I’m going to make sure that I get regular bloodwork all the time and that it’s always getting better.

Monday, Monday

Did NOT want to get up and go to work today. Had so much trouble getting out of bed. Headache, some endo pain, and some brain zaps (not sure why I’m having these now and then – they are usually a side effect of stopping/changing anti-depressant, which I’ve been though, and it’s hell, but I haven’t had any changes lately. I wonder if it has to do with the interaction of painkillers and antidepressants?). Also have no appetite (weird for me). I couldn’t stomach the thought of a smoothie, so I had a slice of the coconut carrot quick bread I made last night – vegan, gluten-free, and sooo delicious, especially topped with some coconut butter. I had a slice last night warm out of the oven and a slice this morning (warmed in the microwave).

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This is so good and was really easy to make. I started with this recipe –¬†

Modifications: (first off, I halved the reciped).

  • I used a Bob’s Red Mill GF flour blend in place of coconut/sorghum/arrowroot flours
  • used 1/2 agave, 1/2 brown rice syrup, and more than was called for (I’d just add it to taste)
  • used ground flax instead of egg replacer, and threw in some extra ground chia
  • had to add a little more almond milk after I added the mixins because it was really stiff

So after you get the main recipe, you add the mixins from here –¬†

And that’s what makes it awesome. Mine still took about an hour to cook, even though it was half the recipe and in a smaller pan. Probably because it wound up being a little extra wet. It is SO delicious, though. And really filling!

I’m in the middle of like 800 books right now, but I started reading Wheat Belly, because I’d heard so much about the crazy guy ranting that wheat is crack. He may or may not be a nutcase, but the stuff in the book is mostly nutritional science and is interesting. I’m still not 100% convinced that there aren’t other foods that are just as bad, but his main argument is that wheat today has been modified so much that it barely resembles the wheat of 100 years ago, and we don’t know what effect that may have on the human body, but it doesn’t seem to be doing anything good. So, we’ll see how eliminating wheat/gluten from my diet affects me. Obviously I’m not doing it just for weight loss (it’s highly recommended as part of the endo diet that you remove gluten), but I surely wouldn’t mind.


Good Friday

Yay for having off for Good Friday!

Last night I tried some Kombucha¬†for the first time. My first thought was that it tasted like a sweaty¬†yoga studio, but it wasn’t bad. I also had a couple chocolate date balls before I went to bed.

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Woke up pretty early this morning – did some dishes, laundry, and made a big green smoothie with 3 oranges, banana, almond milk, greek yogurt, spinach and… I think that was it.

Packed some granola bars and walked a mile over to my boyfriend’s house, then walked with him to pick up his car from the shop. Yay exercise, boo for being totally exhausted afterwards. Glad I packed those bars, because I inhaled them. I also wore my heart rate monitor for a while just for fun – burned 686 calories in just about 2 hours. I’d love to wear it for 24 hours sometime, just to see.

Got super hungry waiting for his mom to get ready to go to the store (she’s older and has had a couple strokes) and had a headache by the time I grabbed some salad bar at the grocery store – lettuce, greens, carrots, chickpeas, garlic balsamic. My options were sorta limited, and it probably wasn’t enough food because I wound up with a headache. came home later and made chips out of corn tortillas (sprayed some oil and sprinkled with salt) and guacamole from an avocado. Nibbled on a couple chocolate date balls while reading Drop Dead Healthy, which is really good, informative, and funny. Lots of good anecdotes – about a writer’s 2 year quest to be the healthiest man alive. Then I fell asleep for a while (thanks, painkillers. argh). Woke up late and made some gluten-free brown rice pasta with nutritional yeast, almond milk, coconut oil, garlic, mustard powder, salt & pepper. Delicious! I love nutritional yeast so much. Had a couple cacoa nibs for dessert, but they were too rich so I had a granola bar instead. I have to make more of these!

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Heading to a comic shop tomorrow for Tabletop Day! My boyfriend is super excited, it should be fun.

Falling off and getting right back on

Yesterday was lousy, in terms of pain and eating – again. But I was super back on track today and I feel much better. Still in pain, but I feel better about¬†myself and that’s important. But days that don’t start with green smoothies don’t end well! That’s 2 days in a row – and 2 crappy days in a row. Yesterday I thought I’d get away with homemade granola bars and tea for breakfast. Had some fruit leather for an early snack. Lunch was a salad with black beans and avocado. But then I was starving. I got some sweet potato chips (the Food Should Taste Good brand) and brought them with me to the all-day meeting/training I was in. But I was still hungry. Had a half a bagel from earlier in the day. But I was starving after work. Made a pretty good decision, general-health wise (notsomuch endo diet wise) and had a chicken flatbread sandwich and a baked potato from Wendy’s for dinner, with light lemonade.

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But then after dinner I had a beer, and another, and some chips and hummus, and picnic box, and another, and another beer… and I just kept feeling worse about it.


Today was better.

This morning’s green smoothie was almond milk, spinach, banana, peanut butter, oats, and chia seeds. The oats really give it extra staying power and thicken it up.

Packed carrots for a snack in the morning. Was about to eat the frozen dinner I packed and then realized I had to go to my psychiatrist and then my therapist. Ran out of work, starving, and grabbed some trail mix from the vending machine at the doctor’s office – it was the best choice I had. Wasn’t sure if I’d have time in between appointments to eat lunch, but I did. I went to Qdoba and got a naked burrito bowl with just a little brown rice, black & pinto beans, fajita veggies, corn salsa, pico de gallo, lettuce, and guacamole. I wanted chips and a drink and they gave me a combo with a tiny container of queso. I thought about throwing it out, but I decided it wouldn’t derail my day, so i ate it, and it was delicious – as was my veggie burrito bowl.

Stopped at the natural foods store that I never get to – I could (and have) spend hundreds of dollars in there on hardly anything, but I managed to get a few things and spend under $30. Got some nutritional yeast (so cheap there), gluten-free flour mix, xanthan gum, a bottle of Kombucha (never tried it, I’m excited), tofu, and cacoa nibs.

Came home after work and wanted to try out the flour mix, so I made pancakes for dinner with that flour, almond flour, oats, chia, and flax, and ate them with coconut butter, coconut flakes, and maple syrup. Much better, and cake-ier!

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So, I had a good day. I also got more exercise than usual – tried to park the car far away from where i was going, etc. I have off for Good Friday tomorrow, so I’m hoping to get to the gym, even if it’s just to walk on the treadmill.