Let’s call it “spring cleaning”

That sounds better than “stuffing my face,” right? I was “cleaning out the kitchen.” Ugh. I don’t know why I consciously let myself binge like that. I was hungry, I had a headache, i drank, so many excuses, none of them valid.

I started to get a little hungry around lunchtime today. I had some carrots & hummus, fruit leather, a picnic box for lunch, and some date/oat balls for a snack.

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Went to my mom’s to play family IT support. Fixed her computer. Obligatory adorable cat photos (PS – they are fosters and need homes!)

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had some diet iced tea on my two bus + a trolley very long ride home. Got home. Headache. Endo pain. Had a vicodin.  Had some microwave roasted potatoes. A glass of wine. Some low fat cheddar from the freezer, melted. Two hot pockets. Some crackers, almond butter, and jelly. The meat, cheese, and crackers from 2 picnic boxes & one packet of cinnamon almonds. Another glass of wine. A beer. Self-loathing. Disgust. to my credit, I have never fully documented a binge. So here it is. After a whole day of feeling good about myself, feeling happy and pretty and healthy. On the bright side, this is probably still less volume/calories than if I’d ordered out/gone to a restaurant or Wawa. But it doesn’t make it okay.

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Halfway through my beer, the phone rang – grocery delivery. That snapped me out of it. My fridge is overflowing with fresh produce, and so is my freezer. I have NO EXCUSES not to eat in a way that will nourish my body and keep me healthy. I do have to go wash a lot of greens… but I will NOT let any of it go to waste. Back on the wagon. Starting now. No excuses. No reasoning my way out of it. I’m embarassed, I feel awful, and I want to stop doing this. I don’t want to overeat. I don’t want to be unhealthy, or overweight, or fat. I want to be happy and healthy.

In other news, I brought my rat into my bedroom, set him down on a chair, and he bolted into my closet… I decided not to chase him and to just shut the bedroom door and let my cat keep watch. She won’t hurt him, and he isn’t spooked by her, so I hope that he will come out/she will notify me. I really don’t want to chase him and upset him (or get bitten).

 

 

Happy Easter

I’m not much of an Easter person, really. Once you outgrow the candy it just doesn’t seem to matter as much (even though I’m Catholic – haven’t been to church in a while).

Last night I was super tired and didn’t really have dinner – just some brown rice cereal with almond milk. Woke up today and had a smoothie with:

  • spinach
  • mint leaves
  • almond milk
  • greek yogurt
  • peppermint extract
  • chia seeds
  • oatmeal
  • spirutein protein powder (just a little)
  • stevia

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Was trying for a Shamrock shake sort of taste but it was a little bitter. Then I was out most of the day with my boyfriend, had a handful of Cornflakes for a snack. Had dinner just now – Quorn “chicken” cutlets and roasted potatoes. I remember Quorn from my vegetarian days as being A) expensive B) vegan and C) tasty. It’s neither B nor C – they have egg white (and gluten, which I am still learning to look for when I don’t expect it) and they were dry. I could not get any moisture into them no matter what i did. The directions for microwaving said to put them in sauce and cover them. I did. I eventually totally covered them in water and they were still horribly dry. What a waste of money/time/energy. I still have lots of frozen food that’s not vegan/GF that I want to eat up/get rid of. I did a small fridge purge of condiments and stuff, but I don’t want to throw out all the stuff in the freezer, so I had some broccoli & rice in cheese sauce. Had a glass of wine, poured a second but didn’t want it. (weird, i know!) I’m currently dehydrating some fruit leather, caramelizing onions in the slow cooker, and baking vegan carrot cake bread (this recipe plus this recipe, although I altered it and halved it).

Trying to think if there’s anything else I need to make for the week besides granola bars. I went grocery shopping today and also ordered some groceries online because I had a promo code. Trying to really buy as healthy as I can – gluten-free, vegan, organic, no chemicals, etc. Found face wash and acne medication (my face is  mess of hormones since going off BC -hasn’t been this bad in over 10 years, and it was never really “bad” when I was a teenager, just pretty normal acne) with no sodium lauryth sulfate, etc – the Neutrogena Naturals line. Not expensive, either. Also got some aluminum-free Tom’s of Maine deodorant – hope it works! I thought lavender would be a good smell – I hope it smells milder on me than it does in the tube or I’m going to smell like a yoga studio. At that point, I might as well get some patchouli oil. Anyway, right now I am trying to only bring things into my apartment that are healthful, and nothing harmful – I’m not going to go crazy throwing everything out, but hope to slowly replace all the food, beauty products, cleaning products (mostly naturalish anyway), etc.

Between the store today and the groceries that’ll get delivered tomorrow, I got some butternut squash to make this recipe, and some spaghetti squash that I didn’t realize was outrageously    expensive until after I checked out ($7!!! Screw you, Acme!). It was also holding up a shelf of eggplant which fell down when I took the squash… Oy. Lots of greens, beans, some GF pasta, more Kombucha, mangoes, pineapple, yams, avocados, oatmeal, and almond milk. Should be set for the week!

I realized I’ve never posted my Pinterest here – http://pinterest.com/alannaburke/ I try to follow a lot of GF/vegan/Endo pinners, and it’s such a great resource. If you’re not on Pinterest, check it out, and if you are, follow me!