Lunch

Leftover butternut squash pasta for lunch, so good. And the kale chips I made last night? Life-changing. So, so good. I used this recipe and modified it a little bit:

  • added a squirt of lemon juice
  • added more water
  • skipped the chives and dill
  • used extra dried onions instead of fresh
  • used more nutritional yeast

They are SO good. Not exactly like cool ranch doritos – a little more onion-y, but amazing. I need to get some more kale today, because I ate half the batch just now. And hey, that’s half a bunch of kale! Can’t complain there 🙂 I could eat another pile of them right now. So good. Must keep these around always!
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I want one of these dehydrators – http://www.amazon.com/Excalibur-2900ECB-9-Tray-Economy-Dehydrator/dp/B001NZPP6U. I currently have this one – http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005RRBM8K/ref=wms_ohs_product?ie=UTF8&psc=1 which works great, but stuff gets stuck in the trays and it’s really annoying.

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Miserable.

Got home tonight, I had taken my boyfriend’s car to work because he stayed home. I had some coconut bread for a snack and then immediately crashed out on the couch and took something because i was in tons of pain. He hadn’t answered a text, so I figured I was sleeping and I’d bring his car back later. Then he gets pissed about that.
I go back to sleep, get up, make an awesome dinner, and then he gets pissed at me for tweeting a picture of awful traffic. Seriously? I wasn’t even moving. He uses his phone in the car all the time. I have never been in an accident, gotten a ticket, etc. Ever. So I got pissed, drove his car back, tossed the keys inside the door and walked home. And now he’s more pissed. I told him I had a horrible day and needed love and support from him, not being treated like a child. Now I feel like I can’t talk to him about any of this and how scared I am, and I’m so upset and I can’t stop crying.

Dinner – Butternut squash mac & “cheese.” This is a great recipe, hadn’t made it before. Used this brown rice pasta, and it was so good, you’d never know it was rice pasta.

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I also put some kale and zucchini in the dehydrator – used this recipe. can’t wait to see how they turn out!

I also washed a bunch of the greens I got yesterday, and tossed some in the freezer.

Now I just need to relax and get some sleep.

Scared.

I had a follow-up with my doctor today. I’ve been really anxious about it. I didn’t want to go on medicine. But I talked to him, and he was really set on it. He wants to try Synarel, the nasal spray version of Lupron, which he said is very well tolerated, and it’s better than the shot because you can stop it anytime. The medication should stop my period, my pain, and endo growth. But I’m still really scared of side effects, and if I don’t like it, I’m going to stop. I’m so anxious. I also found out I have Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, which is a really common thing in women with endometriosis. Eventually I’ll either wind up with hypo- or hyper-thyroidism, neither of which are good. And all of which can affect my health and fertility. I’m scared  to death. And in pain. And anxious. I should have just gone home but I’m here at work. I should eat lunch but I feel sick. I want to curl up into a ball under my desk and just go away.

I did have a good breakfast, though. Smoothie:

  • spinach
  • parsley
  • kale
  • banana
  • pineapple
  • mango
  • chia seeds
  • flax
  • coconut milk

2013-04-02 09.08.50 So good! I’m only going to be more dedicated to managing my nutrition, health, and weight now. I’m going to make sure that I get regular bloodwork all the time and that it’s always getting better.

Monday, Monday

Did NOT want to get up and go to work today. Had so much trouble getting out of bed. Headache, some endo pain, and some brain zaps (not sure why I’m having these now and then – they are usually a side effect of stopping/changing anti-depressant, which I’ve been though, and it’s hell, but I haven’t had any changes lately. I wonder if it has to do with the interaction of painkillers and antidepressants?). Also have no appetite (weird for me). I couldn’t stomach the thought of a smoothie, so I had a slice of the coconut carrot quick bread I made last night – vegan, gluten-free, and sooo delicious, especially topped with some coconut butter. I had a slice last night warm out of the oven and a slice this morning (warmed in the microwave).

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This is so good and was really easy to make. I started with this recipe – http://realsustenance.com/recipe/gluten-freevegan-coconut-quick-bread/

Modifications: (first off, I halved the reciped).

  • I used a Bob’s Red Mill GF flour blend in place of coconut/sorghum/arrowroot flours
  • used 1/2 agave, 1/2 brown rice syrup, and more than was called for (I’d just add it to taste)
  • used ground flax instead of egg replacer, and threw in some extra ground chia
  • had to add a little more almond milk after I added the mixins because it was really stiff

So after you get the main recipe, you add the mixins from here – http://homespunwithlove.blogspot.com/2013/03/carrot-coconut-quick-bread-vegan-gluten.html

And that’s what makes it awesome. Mine still took about an hour to cook, even though it was half the recipe and in a smaller pan. Probably because it wound up being a little extra wet. It is SO delicious, though. And really filling!

I’m in the middle of like 800 books right now, but I started reading Wheat Belly, because I’d heard so much about the crazy guy ranting that wheat is crack. He may or may not be a nutcase, but the stuff in the book is mostly nutritional science and is interesting. I’m still not 100% convinced that there aren’t other foods that are just as bad, but his main argument is that wheat today has been modified so much that it barely resembles the wheat of 100 years ago, and we don’t know what effect that may have on the human body, but it doesn’t seem to be doing anything good. So, we’ll see how eliminating wheat/gluten from my diet affects me. Obviously I’m not doing it just for weight loss (it’s highly recommended as part of the endo diet that you remove gluten), but I surely wouldn’t mind.

 

Falling off and getting right back on

Yesterday was lousy, in terms of pain and eating – again. But I was super back on track today and I feel much better. Still in pain, but I feel better about myself and that’s important. But days that don’t start with green smoothies don’t end well! That’s 2 days in a row – and 2 crappy days in a row. Yesterday I thought I’d get away with homemade granola bars and tea for breakfast. Had some fruit leather for an early snack. Lunch was a salad with black beans and avocado. But then I was starving. I got some sweet potato chips (the Food Should Taste Good brand) and brought them with me to the all-day meeting/training I was in. But I was still hungry. Had a half a bagel from earlier in the day. But I was starving after work. Made a pretty good decision, general-health wise (notsomuch endo diet wise) and had a chicken flatbread sandwich and a baked potato from Wendy’s for dinner, with light lemonade.

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But then after dinner I had a beer, and another, and some chips and hummus, and picnic box, and another, and another beer… and I just kept feeling worse about it.

 

Today was better.

This morning’s green smoothie was almond milk, spinach, banana, peanut butter, oats, and chia seeds. The oats really give it extra staying power and thicken it up.

Packed carrots for a snack in the morning. Was about to eat the frozen dinner I packed and then realized I had to go to my psychiatrist and then my therapist. Ran out of work, starving, and grabbed some trail mix from the vending machine at the doctor’s office – it was the best choice I had. Wasn’t sure if I’d have time in between appointments to eat lunch, but I did. I went to Qdoba and got a naked burrito bowl with just a little brown rice, black & pinto beans, fajita veggies, corn salsa, pico de gallo, lettuce, and guacamole. I wanted chips and a drink and they gave me a combo with a tiny container of queso. I thought about throwing it out, but I decided it wouldn’t derail my day, so i ate it, and it was delicious – as was my veggie burrito bowl.

Stopped at the natural foods store that I never get to – I could (and have) spend hundreds of dollars in there on hardly anything, but I managed to get a few things and spend under $30. Got some nutritional yeast (so cheap there), gluten-free flour mix, xanthan gum, a bottle of Kombucha (never tried it, I’m excited), tofu, and cacoa nibs.

Came home after work and wanted to try out the flour mix, so I made pancakes for dinner with that flour, almond flour, oats, chia, and flax, and ate them with coconut butter, coconut flakes, and maple syrup. Much better, and cake-ier!

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So, I had a good day. I also got more exercise than usual – tried to park the car far away from where i was going, etc. I have off for Good Friday tomorrow, so I’m hoping to get to the gym, even if it’s just to walk on the treadmill.

 

Backwards night

This afternoon I ate some yogurt and wasn’t hungry enough for the hummus/carrots/cucumber chips that I packed. I’d been in some pain all day, but it kept getting worse. So a little before 4, I took some Vicodin, hoping that if it made me woozy, it wouldn’t be until just before I left (and i was right). I got home around 5… and went to bed. And woke up a couple times, but didn’t actually get up until about 2. So… I just had some dinner/breakfast. And now I’m debating staying up vs going back to sleep. *sigh* at this point, I can’t ever get enough sleep, and it’s rarely quality sleep, so I may as well take what I can get.

My dinner/breakfast was gf/vegan coconut pancakes – more successful this time. More chia/flax for binding, less baking powder and almond milk. Eaten with coconut butter, sprinkle of coconut, and a little maple syrup.

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I’m still in some pain, so I think I may take something, grab an ice pack, curl up in bed, and hope for a nap. If I don’t fall asleep (and if it’s not raining or snowing) maybe I’ll take a walk or something this morning… later this morning? What a weird day.