Miserable and torn

Personal shit is in the toilet. I feel awful. I’m torn about taking this medicine. I saw my therapist today and I’m even more torn. I bought a paper journal today to write down the things that are too personal to write here.

Wasn’t sure I’d make it out of bed this morning, but I did. Made the same smoothie as yesterday, minus chia/flax. Isn’t it so beautifully green? I love the color.

Really, really just want to go home and curl up in bed. Endo pain is flaring up, my head hurts, I’m exhausted and miserable.

Miserable.

Got home tonight, I had taken my boyfriend’s car to work because he stayed home. I had some coconut bread for a snack and then immediately crashed out on the couch and took something because i was in tons of pain. He hadn’t answered a text, so I figured I was sleeping and I’d bring his car back later. Then he gets pissed about that.
I go back to sleep, get up, make an awesome dinner, and then he gets pissed at me for tweeting a picture of awful traffic. Seriously? I wasn’t even moving. He uses his phone in the car all the time. I have never been in an accident, gotten a ticket, etc. Ever. So I got pissed, drove his car back, tossed the keys inside the door and walked home. And now he’s more pissed. I told him I had a horrible day and needed love and support from him, not being treated like a child. Now I feel like I can’t talk to him about any of this and how scared I am, and I’m so upset and I can’t stop crying.

Dinner – Butternut squash mac & “cheese.” This is a great recipe, hadn’t made it before. Used this brown rice pasta, and it was so good, you’d never know it was rice pasta.

I also put some kale and zucchini in the dehydrator – used this recipe. can’t wait to see how they turn out!

I also washed a bunch of the greens I got yesterday, and tossed some in the freezer.

Now I just need to relax and get some sleep.